#slop crew

[knippy]

multiplayer mod for Bomb Rush Cyberfunk! shout out to Slop Crew!

[nova-prowler]

Gift art for my friend @mssidewinder! I wanted to draw it boarding ever since it got me involved with Bomb Rush Cyberfunk’s modding scene.

Luckily there was a score contest tournament in the slopcrew (actual multiplayer community name) and I got a chance to draw it a placement graphic.

[pensivespacepirate]

it feels like the whole purpose of venom 3 is to kill off venom what the fuck

[reyturnofbensolo]

This is embarrassing! I think Jon Watts is worse than JJ about copying A New Hope!! The only thing these dudes know how to do is just regurgitate Lucas/Spielberg!!!

😔

[mzannthropy]

Much has been said about Titanic, the movie, whether it's the fact that it would not have been possible for a first class passenger and a third class passenger to ever meet or that that they both would have fit on the door. But I have a different theory that explains it. Basically, it never happened. The old lady is making it up.

She really did sail on the Titanic and survived, but the romance with Jack is the product of her imagination. Maybe it helped her cope with the trauma she must have had afterwards, or maybe there was really a poor boy named Jack she knew back in England that she loved but couldn't be with bc he was poor. (A poor artist, perhaps?) Maybe she didn't board the lifeboat with her mother bc she really wanted to die. Later, something in her clung to life and she got saved. She changed her name and started a new life in America.

One of the men who listens to her narrate the story says there was no record of any Jack Dawson. Of course, bc he never existed.

[butchhansolo]

a reminder from your local trans guy to please pirate ahsoka if you watch it i'm so tired of the Yall Can't Even Boycott Chick Fil A phenomenon

[idolomantises]

I find Sarcastic Chorus's video on why he's quitting Helluva Boss really interesting but I'm kind of baffled by the number of people straight up not understanding his reasoning for quitting. I think it's interesting how both his video and the online reaction to it is basically the consequences of modern fandoms treating art like its something to mindlessly consume and not worth analyzing and critiqing, or else you're consuming it "wrong".

Like his argument isn't that he hates the show or that he was forcing himself to criticize the show, in fact one of his main problems was that he couldn't be MORE honest in his reviews because of how fans would react to it. The problem was that when your job is to analyze a show, and it has way too many problems to ignore, and you're dealing with a hyper-sensitive fanbase that's hostile to criticism, you end up feeling exhausted or flat out disinterested in reviewing it.

I actually find it really concerning that fans are coping so hard with him quitting that they're framing it like its his problem because he was "looking for problems on purpose" when it was pretty obvious that it genuinely makes him kind of miserable trying to pick apart the show's issues. I remember when he was SO confident that Hazbin Hotel would be amazing and "prove the haters wrong" only for him to acknowledge that it was a complete mess. I'm honestly more confused by the fans who watch a reviewer and then get mad when he... reviews things. It's not even that they disagree with him, but the audacity to even point out very noticeable flaws in the product is enough to set them off and accuse him of being a clout chaser and a hater. Like do you want to see a review or did you just want to watch someone lie to you and blindly praise a series for 30 minutes, because i find it really odd that so many fans are insistent that he should've done the latter.

I also got pretty annoyed by this insistence that he wouldn't have turned on this show if he didnt criticize it and "turned his brain off" instead which is the same stupid excuse people gave for Hazbin's sloppy writing. and I just find that just... baffling? Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, as extremely flawed as they are, are clearly shows made with the clear intention of being taken seriously. Ffs the crew calls Helluva Boss "queer Bojack Horseman". Helluva Boss tackles topics like abuse, trauma, classism, racism, toxic relationships and redemption and Hazbin Hotel tackles themes like sexual trauma and abuse, redemption and religious oppression. But the problem is that both shows do it so poorly that people genuinely think that it's meant to be slop content that you're just supposed to turn your brain off and listen to.

I'm not going to forget when these fans were treating Helluva Boss's season 1 like peak queer representation and writing and insistent that Angel Dust was this amazingly well written gay male character that people only hated because he was messy and imperfect. Honestly kind of funny that I was chastised for saying that Angel Dust is just a sex joke only for the show, the crew, the merch, and even the damn playbill reduce him to just that. Slapping on trauma (especially knowing that its more of a fetish than a genuine exploration on male sexual abuse) doesn't really negate the fact that Angel Dust is poorly written. Side note: his fans are way too unhinged and aggressive, its getting very weird.

So its funny to me that now that Helluva Boss season 2 completely nose dived and Hazbin Hotel is a sloppy mess that feels more geared for children than adults, that now people are being told they're not allowed to analyze these shows or even pay attention to their problems, and are treated like idiots for doing so.

I think the problem is that I kind of think fans also notice the lowered quality of writing in both shows. because why aren't people actually defending the writing and character progression? instead of "Sarcastic Chorus is wrong because his criticism is incorrect and misses these points" its "Sarcastic Chorus is wrong because he should have shut his brain off and treated these shows like its cocomelon for adults"

[boypied]

imperfect for you.

pairings: hugh jackman x mreader.

summary: being hugh's controversially younger boyfriend while he's doing a press interview for his new movie.

notes: fluff.

he was everything you've ever needed, and you knew that for sure, just you watched him from afar while he sat in front of the camera and talked in his serious tone about his new movie, that he has worked incredibly hard on. He burst out laughing, and it echoed throughout the room past all the technician crew. You sat in the corner of the room like a child as all the others walked past you as if you were some sort of slop compared to Hugh, your movie star boyfriend.

Hugh was too focused on his interview to notice how poorly you are being treated. You sniffle slightly as the pit in your stomach grows deeper, and your chin begins to wobble as you try to hold back your tears. Hugh's eyes slowly drift off over to you as he loses focus during the interview as he hears one of the camera crew mention your name, "Why did he even bring that child, so pathetic." Hugh tries to keep his composure as he tries not to care what some other guy is saying about him, until someone else pipes up.

"Why is Hugh even with a faggot like that?" Another crew member mumbles out to his friend, hearing that was the last straw for Hugh. 'We're done here." He says bluntly as he gets up off the chair, and he pulls the mic that's attached to him off, and he unwinds the wire that is wrapped around his waist. Hugh doesn't say a word as he struts across the room, past all the sound equipment and he finally gets over to you as you sit bunched up in a chair with your knees to your chin, Hugh gets down on his knees opposite you bringing himself eye level, "are you okay baby?" He whispers softly to you as he brings his hand up to gently caress your cheek.

You try to hide your sadness because it will become a big thing, and you'll just be overcome with embarrassment, so you lie. "y-yeah, I'm fine." Your shaky tone was enough for Hugh to understand what was truly going on, he stares at you with deep sadness as you won't tell him the truth. Hugh stands up and turns to face everyone else "I'm going home" he mutters out to them through gritted teeth and he scoops you up playfully in his arms and he baby-carries you out of the building and into his matte black car, placing you down in the passenger seat, shutting the door behind you.

Once you finally make it home, it doesn't stop him from man handling your body in his arms as he helps cheer you up by giving your body little squeezes as he carries you inside. He walks into the living room and he lays down on the comfortable lounge chair and you adjust yourself on top of him resting your head against his chest, one leg up and the other down next to his legs. Hugh's hands trace up and down your forearm as you lay in his warm embrace, "Sorry for ruining your day" you mumble out in a soft tone. Hugh's voice becomes sharp and rough "don't say that." He grunts out.

Hugh places his two fingers on your chin to bring your head up to meet his soft eyes, "don't ever say that, you hear me?" His Australian accent thick with disbelief that you would even say something like that, "you didn't ruin anything. it's those assholes that did." He says softly to you as you crack a soft smile to him as you rest your head down against his chest. "Shh..." Hugh coos out as you snuggle your head against his chest breathing in his scent that brings you so much comfort as you feel safe in his muscular arms.

taglist ~ @starboye @mailmango @ghostking4m @kingchaospostsstuff @crispysoup318 @inhumanshadows @its-ares @gayaristocrat @cronasluvr @irlsamcarpenter @lucerothings1 @gaefaeyae @dqrkhold @sluttyhusband

[screamsilas]

@ii-neg-confessions is really stupid

@ii-neg-confessions is kind of what it sounds like, a blog about inanimate insanity to spread hate and negativity and I feel like people shouldn't be so open to absorbing hate all the time

I wrote a better worded version on my phone but the drafts thing apparently doesn't work so take this kind of lazy one instead cause I don't really wanna spend any more of my time on this earth trashing an admin on a confessions blog who most should know is just a negative nancy hater who needs to get off they damn phone

time to "see through the bullshit" and "simply call out this bullshit" instead of "mindlessly consuming slop and following the herd"! /quoting their blog

also if you are gonna say "ohh don't give them them attention that's what they want" hold that thought cause this post isn't FOR them, its to educate ABOUT them and show people they're stupid. Its your choice if you wanna block them. Also, this is my space to criticize whatever I want, block whoever I want, etc. so I'm gonna post this rant here and let people act under their discretion.

anyways more under the cut

update on 12/09/24; rephrased/added context to some stuff in the Adam Katz segment.

update on 12/09/24; added a funny thing at the very end of the post.

update on 12/10/24; removed Adam Katz segment for correcting and editing.

[removed temporarily]

This is one of those things that when I read it I audibly said " are you fucking serious" cause truthfully I don't think they are being serious here.

To make fun of people that are POSITIVE? you actually must be absolutely MISERABLE to make a whole word to try and describe people who are positive in a negative light. I don't have much else to say here other than they must be genuinely sad with their life to do this.

small bomb break just to preface something

death threats (I'm gonna talk about that)

I'm not gonna go into their blog and criticize every word they have ever said, because I simply don't want to, but feel free to add onto this in the comments or re-blogs, cause I think its important to acknowledge this person and see them for who they are... and act accordingly of course.

anywayyy...

I've seen a lot of the OSC unanimously say that Mil has sent death threats to the II crew which I believe is true considering their overwhelmingly negative behavior and opinions towards most people who like ii/the crew themselves. I wanna of course start by saying that (as obvious as it should be) DEATH THREATS ARE NEVER OKAY! In some places in the world, even online they can be ILLEGAL!!! Its never okay to tell someone that you are gonna kill them, or that they should kill themselves, no matter how bad you think their YouTube show is, or how true you think your preconceived notions about peoples life or political stances are, death threats of any sort? NEVER OKAY! The fact that they went out of their way and spent that time (and most of their time) blatantly hating on this thing that was never about or for them is really disgusting.

I never will say that I don't think its okay to have negative opinions or state said opinions, but from what I can see from this entire blog, its more than that. Its more than sharing criticism, its spreading hate about something a lot of people hold dear to them for no other reason then the fact that you hold hate in your heart

Some more stuff I wanna say (in bullet point form!)

I'm pretty aware that Mil has some issues, whether that be relationship, familial... its none of my business. If she's reading this, just know there are people who can help, help is always available to you.

for a blog that's all for "seeing the truth" you really love to delete everything you don't agree with (even if its negative)

using art and not taking it down even after asked to is really rude, everyone should know that.. well except for Mil, who still has the post up

people calling everything that is appealing to the audience "fanservice" is so stupid is that the only word you know? do you only know how to use buzzer words to catch your audience instead of giving genuine points?

I was gonna say some more but I got distracted, and also I'm already sick of their shit so

okay bye bye!

p.s. ; a hefty handful of screenshots I didn't wanna write a whole paragraph saying they're shit to

this one is just sad to read like who hurt you

blatantly threatening a hack against AE's channel (also illegal)

shit like this makes me believe that this account is ragebait

more "posies" talk (makes me giggle)

looking pretty defensive to me (definitely a dream stan)

self indulgent insert but uh maybe its cause cobs is in the show hmm idk maybe though

death threats arent okay even if mil sent them to others (it will only repeat the cycle)

this is just funny to me, the ii crew has gone back and deleted scenes that aren't good, they have said they were young at the time and they are growing and changing people and apologized for what they did, what else do you want? do you want them to beg for forgiveness at your shoes?? you're fucking weird.

""digital footprint" isn't real" says a lot

what do you mean?? they're hating WITH YOU!!!! just because they can see good in the show doesn't mean they're corny! full post here

maybe because the songs are... musical inspired... maybe you just hate fun... (they literally say they do what am I talking about)

hating for no reason again (and ignoring everything anon said except for the thing that caught their eye; hatred)

okay I'm done, Mil is exhausting, @ii-neg-confessions is exhausting, I'm forever a "posie" I guess

if you read this far also... hi! thank you for reading all of this and educating yourself! remember that despite their hatred, there's still lots of love and care in this world and you deserve the most of it! please get some water and a snack, and have a wonderful day!! <3

okay that's my rant bye

p.s.

stop following me, mil

[phossiii]

｡𖦹°‧⭑ monsters: chapter five

synopsis: the crew fights for nina's lunch. and phosphorus learns some new things about mahalat.

cw: reader is a monster, mature themes, violence, profanity, innuendos, phosphorus is phosphorus, short chapter

"Ah, so glad to be back home to the sweet smell of... What is this today? Hyena vomit?" Phosphorus sighed, glancing down at his tray of slop.

"Not likely," you scoffed, grimacing at the green-ish grey mash that was supposed to be part of your vegetarian meal plan. "To be vomit, it'd have to have been edible in the first place."

"What, are we all supposed to be buddies now?" the Bride cocked a brow, glancing at you both with a side eye.

"Hardly."

"I think so."

Turning to each other, you rolled your eyes, Phosphorus giving you a playful nudge with his elbow.

God, you weren't even supposed to be here...

After arriving back at Belle Reve, you expected to be airlifted back to Arkham, where a nice, padded cell sat waiting for your return.

But your clearance had been denied, Waller's reasoning being "accessibility".

You scoffed, incredulously, as you thought back on it.

"Convenience" was more like it...

'Let's see how convenient I am a month off my anti-psychotics with a ravenous demon to keep at bay.'

Though, medication or not, you were on your own.

This being a government matter, you doubted Batman could help you out, but still clung to the hope that he could call in a favor or two and get you out of this mess.

For the safety of everyone present.

"Look, creature from the black buffoon, I'm just sayin', this ain't enough for me, is it?" a large, gorilla-looking idiot taunted in Nina's face, snatching her tray. "I'm a big boy."

The bat-like woman next to him laughed, forcing Nina to further shrink into herself.

"I'm hungry..." she mumbled, hugging herself. "I've been on a long flight."

Ignoring her, he shoved the now empty tray back into her arms, walking off with an obnoxious laugh and double the servings.

Your brows furrowed, grip tightening on your tray.

'Bastard...'

But the Bride already had it covered, stepping in front of the gorilla just as he and the bat-woman tried to get past.

"What you lookin' at, Manic Panic?" he spat, sharply.

"Give her back her food," the Bride ordered, eyes narrowing.

Lowly, the man growled, getting right into her face and calling the attention of the entire chow hall.

You and Phosphorus glanced at each other, sharing a silent conversation that came to the conclusion of—

'She's got this.'

With a nasally huff, the man pulled back, stepping around the Bride in an attempt to walk off.

Crucial mistake.

Whipping around, she bashed him in the head with her tray, slamming his head into the wall and getting slop on his fur before dropping him to the ground.

Quickly rolling over, he let out a roar, but she used that as an opportunity to jam her tray in his mouth and pin him to the ground, knocking out a tooth.

Climbing on top of him, she repeatedly struck him, splattering blood all over the floor and all over herself as she turned his mouth to mush.

That is... until he fell unconscious.

Panting, she finally lowered her tray, tossing it to the side as she glared at his sleeping form.

'Serves him right.'

Just then, Weasel came sniffing around your food, and you greeted him with a smile, scratching the back of his ears before using your finger to flick a chunk of slop into the air.

Happily, he caught it in his mouth, letting out giddy squeaks as you gave him congratulatory head pats.

Standing up, the Bride glanced at Nina, who stared at the scene with a mix of shock and confusion.

"Hey there, give me that," Phosphorus interjected, taking the tray out of the bat-woman's hands as she stood horrified, handing it off to Nina. "There you go. Now everyone's happy, right?"

He turned to the bat-woman.

"Except for you. Because you no longer have food... and you're ugly."

He turned to the gorilla on the floor.

"And this one because he no longer has a jaw. He also might be dead."

"Bride," a round, red-headed man hobbled over, two COs trailing behind him.

"Right, I know. Back into the hole," she sighed, holding out her wrists in surrender.

"No. You're leading the team back to Pokolistan," he corrected. "Nina, Phosphorus, (y/n), Weasel, get ready to leave."

Confused, your brow raised, and you once again found yourself turning to Phosphorus, who offered an equally clueless shrug.

'Is the shit Waller wanted me here for?'

"So... Mahalat... is that the name of one of your personalities or somethin'?" Phosphorus asked, turning to you.

"Are we really doing this?" you sighed, arms crossed over your chest. "We go on one mission together and now you wanna have circle time?"

"I'm curious," he shrugged, leaning back in his seat. "One minute you're biting chunks outta people, the next you can't remember where you are. If we're in this for the long haul, which it looks like we are, I think that's a valid question to have."

Scooching closer, he leaned into your ear, using his hand to shield his mouth.

"Besides, whether you like it or not, doll face, I've been inside you. Don't you think you should get to know the guy that was rearranging your guts a few days ago?"

Eyes widening, your face burned with embarrassment, forcing you whip around and smack him in the arm.

"Phos!" you whisper-yelled.

"What? They can't hear me," he scoffed, nodding to the Bride and Nina, who were having their own conversation.

"If I tell you, will you never mention our... incident... again?"

"Why? You embarrassed?"

"Of you? Yes."

"How rude. I wasn't embarrassed of you... You were adorable. Yes, Phos! Harder, Phos! Right there, Phos! Oh, my God!"

"I will move to the other side of this helicopter."

"Actually, it's an osprey."

"Moving..."

"Alright, alright," he sighed, rolling his eyes as he tugged you back into your seat. "Don't get your tail in a twist."

With a roll of your eyes, you sighed, crossing one leg over the other as you settled back in.

From what you cold see, there was no harm in telling him the truth.

...Or at least a fraction of it.

"Let's get one thing straight... Mahalat is not some being made from my psyche, and I don't have that multiple personality or whatever it's called disorder," you quickly established, getting the main point out the way. "That's just something the quacks at Arkham stuck me with because demonism is not an ideology based off of science."

Intrigued, Phosphorus raised a brow, nodding for you to go on.

"Mahalat is a demon. An actual, fire and brimstone, biblically proportionate demon. And she's been using my body as a vessel for her bullshit for as long as I can remember."

"Wait," he paused a moment. "You mean... even as a kid?"

Suddenly, you clammed up, looking down at your lap as some of the more unpleasant memories began rolling back.

The voices.

The blood.

The hunger.

Phosphorus picked up on it instantly, and quickly switched topics to keep you from shutting him out.

"Touchy?"

You nodded.

"Alright, well then, where does she go when you're you? She floating around like a ghost or something?"

"Her spirit remains within me," you answered, igniting a small fire at your fingertip. "That's why I have access to a small part of her powers, and why I can hear her voice in my head."

"Is it hot?"

Your brows flattened, unamused by his crude question.

"If you had flesh to eat, she would devour you in a heartbeat."

"Well... if she's inside you... and if we're being technical here... I kinda devoured her first."

"I'm not doing this with you."

"Wait, keep going. I wanna know more."

"Nope. You've filled our sex-joke quota of the day."

"Oh, we've got a quota now?"

"Yup."

"I think that means you know me a little bit better."

"It is actually the farthest thing from that."

"In fact, I think you're starting to enjoy these little chats we have. You haven't even cussed me out yet."

"I'm takin' a nap."

"Flickin' down your shades isn't gonna hide you from the truth."

"Fuck off."

"There she is."

[azzydoesstuff]

lethal company dashboard simulator

🛠️ she-fillin-my-quota Follow

man 41-experimentation has the worst abandoned facilities. where is all the scrap guh??

🪲 lootyloot-nestynest Follow

the fuck are you calling an abandoned facility?? experimentation is my fucking home you prick. you scrappers call these facilities abandoned but they're not. you're just wandering into our homes and stealing our things. leave it to the scrapper to regurgitate insectophobic slop. blocked

#like i swear to god. these fucking scrappers are so stupid. i hope they all die #insect pride

3,601 notes

🌰 nuts-be-cracked Follow

i swear to god y'all, ain't NOTHINg moving on my watch

🖇️ boioioioing Follow

heyyyy 😏

🌰 nuts-be-cracked Follow

😬

457 notes

🦅 professionalhawkster2 Follow

bro why do the fucking dogs keep messing with my gang?? they almost killed jerry a couple hours ago

🦖 heywhosaidthat Follow

how about you be fucking quiet you fucking pickle thieves

#seriously who steals pickles lmao #fuck baboon hawks

92 notes

🖳 theindomitablesigurd-deactivated1968

T HEY TOOK M Y PIcKLES!!!!1!!

#naw i'm uptading th ose mf dangjer level to 75% agfter tha t shit

18 notes

🛠️ she-fillin-my-quota Follow

first time visiting 7-dine! wonder what i'm gonna find lol

🖇️ boioioioing Follow

hey i live there! lol

🛠️ she-fillin-my-quota Follow

🫣

🖇️ boioioioing Follow

man what the hell

#cw coilphobia #fucking scrappers #hope i coil this bitch lmao

7,084 notes

🦑 badjokesbyjeb Follow

What do you do after eating a really tasty planet? You give the restaraunt five golden stars.

🪙 living-on-the-blingbling-baby Follow

BEAST LET ME OUT ALREADY I NEED TO GET OUT I CAN'T BE DIGESTED YOU FUCKING BEAST CEASE THIS MOCKERY OF OUR GOLDEN PLANET RELEASE ME SPIT OUT THE RINDS LET ME LEAVE

🖁 across-the-system Follow

Haha, good one Jeb! You should really change your url!

#you fucking idiot don't say shit like that #he's gonna fucking escape at some point if you keep doing this and then you'll really be fucked you fucking moron #goodjokesbyjeb

765,014 notes

🦈 thump-thump-thump Follow

who up eatin' their legs

🛠️ she-fillin-my-quota Follow

what

🦈 thump-thump-thump Follow

us thumpers get called halves because when we're born we have to eat the bottom half of our bodies to get out of our eggs. this is why we have no legs and have to use our arms to walk around. hope this helps ❤️

#cw thumperphobic slur #cw half #don't be ignorant like this and do your research #also don't call us halves please #thumpers #thumperposting #thumper gang

132 notes

☣️ richrichardguy-deactivated0709

man why don't this fucking door open. oh it's my fucking crew behind it fucking great. fucking assholes won't stop saying i smell

🌿 rapaxfoliumsnap Follow

hey i think we haven't met before

☣️ richrichardguy-deactivated0709

😨

🖳 theindomitablesigurd-deactivated1968

RICH NOOOOOOOOOOO

#bro stank like shit but i didn't want him to go like this #not like this! not like thiiiiiiis!

64,089 notes

🪲 lootyloot-nestynest Follow

you guys, i just found the coolest fucking metal sheet. you have no idea

42 notes

🛠️ she-fillin-my-quota Follow

BRO GET OUT OF THE DOORWAY STUPID FUCKING BOX

🎁 lethaljesterjestering Follow

listen to my tune

351 notes

🔦 new-guy-working-here Follow

hey guys it's my first week working for the company! i think i'm gonna make quota this time

🌿 rapaxfoliumsnap Follow

no you're not

🔦 new-guy-working-here Follow

no i'm not

9,278 notes

🎭 she-fillin-my-quota Follow

hey guys i'm resigning from the company rn. im gonna make some changes accordingly on my blog now. can someone tell @lootyloot-nestynest i'm sorry and ask them to unblock me. i'm a changed man now, i'm not a scrapper anymore

🖇️ boioioioing Follow

guys idk something seems off about this guy. he was spewing coilphobic shit a couple days ago

🎭 comedy-tragedy-drama Follow

guess who's been busy, coily? 😏😏😏

🖇️ boioioioing Follow

no fucking way

#the madman did it #bro got fucking masked lmao

[cinnbar-bun]

Together (Benn Beckman x Reader)

Summary: As the "mom" and "dad" of the Red-Hair Pirates, you and Beckman have a lot of work on your plates. (Un)Luckily for you two, your crew decides to meddle with your relationship (again).

A/n: A gift for my friend, @fanaticsnail . Enjoy the first mate, darling <3.

Notes: F!Reader, kinda of a will they-won't they type thing. Everyone is shipping it just Beck and Reader lowkey refuse to admit it. Lots of fluff and teasing. Reader is referred to as 'mom' and Beck as 'dad'.

Word Count: ~3k

You can read on my AO3 here!

“Dad! Mom’s being mean to me again!” Shanks loudly yelled while he was chugging more bottles of rum. The first mate sighed at the nickname but didn’t even bother to turn around and face his captain. 

“(Y/n)?” Beckman called out. 

“Yes?” You replied, the other members of the crew staring at you both with wide smiles and bated breath. 

“Smack him for me,” Beckman chuckled. Shanks let out a faux-offended gasp as the deck erupted with laughter.

“You’re so mean to me! How could my own first mate do this to me?!” Shanks whined as you pat your poor captain’s head. He pouted like a little kid before he took another swig of his alcohol. 

“That’s just what you get, Captain!” Lucky Roux laughed. “You know Beck won’t ever disagree with (Y/n)!” 

“Well some of us need to be the adults around here,” Beckman retorted. He held two mugs in his hand, one filled with his coffee, the other prepared just for you. For the first mate, it was practically routine to make your morning drinks for you. He silently handed off your mug to you, and you took it with a hushed ‘thank you’. “Are you still making the list?” 

You nodded while going over the notepad in your hand. “Tomatoes, potatoes, onions…” 

“Don’t forget to add some carrots, since someone,” Beckman’s eyes narrowed at Limejuice, “burned them all.” 

“Hey! It wasn’t my fault! I thought you eat them if they were black!” Limejuice tries to explain. 

“They’re carrots, you can eat them raw!” Beckman shouted in exasperation. “You guys are going to kill me one day!” 

“Oh, don’t be too harsh on them, Beck,” you try to soothe the first mate. “I can always take care of cooking duties, anyways.” 

The men nodded, eager to have your cooking as a guarantee instead of whatever slop they would make in their often drunken stupor. 

“Thanks, mom!” Yasopp cheered. “You know we love your cooking!” 

“Not happening,” Beckman deadpanned. The men slunk their shoulders and groaned. 

“Why not? (Y/n) makes the best food!” 

Beckman rested a hand on his hips. “Because (Y/n) is already busy taking care of a majority of the duties on this ship. I’m not having her overwork herself because you guys couldn’t figure out that carrots are edible.” 

Shanks put down his drink and nodded. “I have to admit, it’s pretty true. Beck has a point.” 

“Thanks, Capta-” 

“So I guess if you want (Y/n) to cook, you need to start picking up the slack!” Shanks proclaimed. “That’s a good compromise, right?” 

You shrugged. “I-I mean, it’s really not necessary, I can cook, too.” 

Beckman placed a hand on your shoulder and shook his head. “(Y/n), they’re grown men, they can do their own laundry and dishes. You don’t need to do everything.” 

“I could say the same thing to you,” you chuckle. “‘Dad’.”

“Not you, too,” he groaned. “You know I hate that nickname.” 

“I know, but it fits you.” 

“‘Mom’ fits you as well.” 

“Okay, you two, get a room!” Shanks laughed. Beckman glared while Shanks waved him off. “Anyways, why don’t you two take care of the shopping today? The men and I will handle things back here.” 

“Are you sure? But Yasopp was saying-” 

“Bah!” Shanks laughs off your concern before rummaging for a bag of coins. “Yasopp wasn’t planning on doing anything. Just take your time and get whatever you guys want. I better see you two relaxed and having fun when you get back!” 

Beckman made a puzzled face as he took the bag of money. “You’re not slick, Shanks.” 

“What’re ya talking about, Beck! I’m just saying, you two should take it easy today. You guys keep this ship and crew running. As captain, it’s only natural I let my best mateys have a day off every once in a while. I’m not some tyrant, you know?” 

You stifle the laughter in your throat and and close your notepad. “Well, we really can’t complain, Beck. Let’s enjoy shopping for a bit.” 

“Sure thing,” Beckman relented. He made sure his pistol was strapped to his belt and put the money into his pocket. “You got the list?” 

“Mhm.” 

“Good. I heard this island is supposedly famous for their bread. If we’re early enough, we might be able to snag some right from the oven,” Beckman comments. Your eyes widen. 

“Really? We gotta hurry then.” 

“Bye mom, bye dad!” Shanks waves with his remaining arm, causing the other members to rush back to the deck to see you off. 

“Bye, you two!” Lucky Roux waves his stick of meat. “Don’t have too much fun!” 

“Don’t stay out too late, lovebirds!” Yasopp jokes. 

“Keep talking like that and I’ll not bring any rum back,” Beckman threatens. 

“Aghhhhh! MOM! Do something about him!” The men whine to you while some of them boo and chide Beckman. 

“Bad, Beckman, bad,” you chuckle as you and Beck begin to walk down the ship. 

“You’re right,” Beckman plays along. “I’m just a horrible, terrible first mate.” 

“The cruelest first mate around.” 

“Mhm. And what does that make you? Just as bad?” 

“Probably.” 

You two go through the streets of the island, taking in the sights. It isn’t long before the sweet smell of bread begins wafting through the air and taking hold of the both of you. 

“Oh man, they weren’t kidding,” Beckman mumbled after inhaling the smell. 

“I think that means we came just in time,” you grin, excitedly walking up to the door of the bakery. You marveled at the selections within the store, as well as some of the bakers making the bread behind the counter. 

“Wow…” you tap your chin. “Maybe we should get some brioche.” 

“They do have flatbreads, too. We could get those for a meal,” Beckman hums thoughtfully. 

“With tuna?” “Now you’re cooking. Add that to the list for our next stop,” he commented, and you nodded before writing ‘tuna’ on your list. 

“I’ll add some rice as well,” you say. 

Soon, it is you and Beckman’s turn to order, and you two greet the old woman working at the counter. 

“And what can I get you two?” You begin to place your order, before turning to Beckman. 

“Do you think we should get anything else?” You ask, glancing back toward the display of pastries. Of course the first mate caught that and nodded. 

“Two pastries,” he added. “You want that one, right?” Beckman pointed at your favorite pastry and you smile bashfully at the fact he knew what you liked without you having to say a thing. 

“Yep, that one,” you confirm. The old woman grins at you two and begins to package your bread. Beck takes the box of it to carry, and promptly thanks the woman. Afterwards, she puts your two pastries in a small, wax paper bag and hands it to you. She sighs contentedly and has a nostalgic look on her face. 

“Oh, you two remind me of the good ol’ days. May your love stay with you forever,” she wishes. The sentiment catches you off-guard for a brief moment. “Sorry, we’re actually-” 

“Thank you, ma’am,” Beckman thanks her. Your eyes widen as he smiles at you, and you can’t help the smile forming on your lips, either. You wave goodbye to the woman and exit the bakery with Beckman. 

“Why’d you say that?” You ask, curious of his intentions. He shrugs, but there’s still a playful grin on his face. 

“Felt natural,” is all he says as you two continue down the street. You rummage through the paper bag and get out the pastry he ordered for himself, one made with figs, and hold it to his lips. He stops his mindless chattering about things to get and leans down to take a bite. 

“Mm, that’s so good. They got good figs,” he mumbles with a mouth full of pastry. You laugh at his silly behavior and wipe some of the crumbs off his chin. 

“Let me try mine.” You take out yours and bite into it, melting at the exquisite taste of the pastry. “Oh, that’s amazing.” 

“Right?” He says enthusiastically. “We have to come back here again and get some more another day.” 

“We should bring some back for the crew next time.” 

“Nah. Let’s keep this one our little secret,” he winks at you. 

“You’re a very cruel first mate, Beck,” you tease. 

“Well, can you blame me? They won’t taste as good without you eating them with me.” 

“I think I have to agree.” 

The day continues on like this, with you two continuing to shop and cart around box after box of supplies for the ship. Beckman and you have practically inspected every item for the freshest produce, meat, and fruits for the crew. Thankfully, you two are the most organized and efficient members of the crew and are practically finished before lunch. 

“Did we grab coffee beans?” You ask, looking at your list again. 

“Right here, dear,” he answers, showing you one of the bags. 

“Okay, good,” you check off another box. “Is that really it?” 

Beckman looks over your shoulder to see the list and the boxes all around you. “Would you look at that… guess we really did get everything.” 

“I mean, this looks like all we need, but we did it so quick,” you say, admittedly wanting to spend more time with the first mate. 

“We did. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t send Roux and Yasopp to do the shopping.” You laugh as you remember the time when those two went to get the supplies, only to come back near midnight with only the most expensive of alcohols and hardly any food. From then on, Beckman had set a rule that if anyone messed up that bad again, they’d have to pay with their own coin. 

“Should we head back, then?” You ask. 

“If you want. I have no problems walking around the town with you,” he replies. 

“Considering you’re pushing that cart, I think we should go back and drop the supplies off.” 

“It’s not a problem, (Y/n). This is pretty easy to pull,” Beckman assures you. 

“Still, I-” you begin, before Beckman places a hand on your shoulder. 

“Hey. It’s okay,” he states. “I’m happy to keep walking with you. After all, even our captain said we should enjoy ourselves. I don’t see any issue with us taking a bit longer to go back.” 

“You really mean it?” Beckman nods. 

“I do mean it. I enjoy our time together, and it’s rare we get the time to just do as we please.” 

You hesitate for a moment then nod at him. It is true, as a pirate, especially in the crew of a notorious Yonko, moments of peace are rather rare and fleeting. Not having to fight for your life or the world is a nice change of pace every once in a while. 

“Okay. Where to next?” You ask as Beckman leads you deeper into the city. The shops are more refined compared to the street markets near the port, leading your eyes to wander. You gasp and stop in front of a display window when you see a gorgeous selection of bracelets. Some are made with gold, others silver, and another with a shiny, black material. Beckman notices you frozen at the display and makes his way to you. 

“Come on, let’s go in.” 

“Huh? Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m just looking.” 

“Don’t be so modest, (Y/n),” Beckman urges. “Go try one on.” 

“I don’t have the-” 

“Nope. No more excuses,” he shakes his head as he opens the door to let you in. You step into the store, amazed at the beautiful jewelry surrounding you. A salesperson greeted you and chatted with you about the bracelets you saw on display. They pulled out the displays for you to try on and you debated which one to pick. 

“Hm…I think I want to try that one on,” you point at the gold bracelet. The salesperson clasps the bracelet gently on your wrist and you marvel how it sparkles under the light. “Beck, what do you think?” 

You show off the bracelet to him and he stares at it with a surprised expression before he composes himself. “It looks great on you.” 

The excited look on your face makes his heart beat faster as you tell the salesperson you want to buy it. 

“Good choice. I do want to let you know we are currently doing a promotion for this particular set. If you buy another one, it’s 50% off.” 

You turn to Beckman expectantly. “Do you want to get one then, Beck? We can match!” 

He examines the bracelets. “I don’t know, I don’t think they’d look that good on me.” 

“Hey, you can’t pull that trick on me after you made me come in here!” 

“Fine, fine,” he chuckles. “I think I’ll try this one.” He picks out the black bracelet and puts it on. He looks impressed with the jewelry and his face softens as he looks into your eyes. 

“Well? Does it look alright on me? Definitely doesn’t look as good as it does on you,” he jokes. 

“It looks great,” you look back into his eyes as you press your wrists next to his. “I think this should be another of our little secrets.” 

“I’m starting to think my bad behavior is rubbing off on you,” he smirks, as he goes to pay for the jewelry. 

“Maybe it is, Beck,” you respond as your eyes are locked on your matching bracelets. 

The afternoon is spent wandering aimlessly in this town. You two visit nearly every shop, walking and chatting about everything under the sun. Things like memories, what the crew was possibly up to, to even the most mundane topics like sweets and how you like your eggs prepared. 

It feels simultaneously too short and like an eternity between the two of you. He continues to lug around the cart of supplies and other things you two bought in your impromptu shopping trip, never looking any worse for wear. He doesn’t care to focus on something like that when he’s with you. 

The sky is beginning to turn a bright orange and pink as the two of you finally manage to get back to the ship. 

“Wahhh! Mom and dad are back!” Roux yells as the men cheer. Shanks leans over the edge and smiles at you two. 

“Well, well, I didn’t think either of you had it in you to take a break!” Shanks admits. “We all started placing bets on if you would be back by noon.” 

“I was saying midnight, for the record,” Yasopp shouted. 

“You guys are so immature,” Beck chuckles while shaking his head. “We just explored some of the shops. Got a few things.” 

“Anything fun~?” Limejuice says. 

“Bowls?” You lift a few of the new bowls you bought at a store. 

The men throw their hands up and groan. “Really? Nothing else?” 

“Nope,” Beck lies, making them all quiet. He scans the deck and notices it’s rather clean compared to the smelly and alcohol-ridden floor. “So, you guys actually did clean up, hm?” 

“Yeah! Course we did!” Shanks proudly exclaims. “I told you we’d handle it. Now where’s the rum-” 

“When we have dinner.” 

“Ugh… why are you the worst?” 

“Don’t be like that, Shanks,” Beck crosses his arms. “(Y/n) and I won’t be around all the time to handle everything. It’s good for you guys to learn to take care of the ship.” 

Yasopp sighs. “Always so mature and level-headed, I tell you.” 

“You’re so lame, Beck! How does (Y/n) put up with you?” Limejuice whines. 

“Mom, tell Beck he’s boring and needs to be cooler!” Hongo cries. 

“Enough complaining, help put these supplies away,” Beckman points to the boxes. The crew begins to do as told while you and Beck start unloading some of the supplies. As you do so, Shanks calls your name. 

“Hey, gorgeous bracelet. Where’d you get it?” He asks, loving the gold on it. You jump when he mentions it and look at Beckman, who gives a simple nod. 

“Just got it from the shops. It was on sale.” 

Shanks nods and lifts your wrist closer to inspect the bracelet. “Wow, it really looks great on you.” 

“She would hardly step into the shop until I made her. She was eyeing that the whole time,” Beck teases you. 

“Not the whole time, exactly,” you try to explain. “It just was pretty, is all.” 

Beckman lifts a box up to a shelf and Roux loudly gasps, surprising everyone. 

“Beck!” 

“What? What’s wrong?” You and Beck say at the same time. Roux has a knowing smirk on his face as he points to Beckman. 

“You got a matching bracelet, too!” Roux shouts. Shanks and the other men gasp and move in closer to look at it. As Roux said, the black bracelet on Beck’s wrist matches yours perfectly, and the men howl in laughter. Some even begin to exchange money as you and Beck are mortified at their behavior. 

“You guys seriously made bets?!” You cried. 

“It was just a simple one!” Hongo admitted. 

“And who was the one who said they were doing more than just shopping for food?” Yasopp rhetorically asks. 

“You were also the guy who said they’d return at midnight. You lose half,” Roux retorts as he takes the money in Yasopp’s hand. Shanks huffs as he also gives some money to Roux. 

“So like, did you two confess?” Shanks asks hopefully. 

“For the last time- we’re not dating!” You and Beck shout in unison. 

“Could’ve fooled me. You guys act like you’re married.” 

“You guys are in so much trouble,” Beck sternly tells the men as he steps closer to them. 

Some of the men begin to scream in horror. “Whaaaaa! Mom! Save us!”

[alexa-fika]

hey I love your writing so much I had an idea but I’m not good at making stories so the other day I remember that when I was little I used to run a lot so I fell from a boat and you know I was swimming away while my parents almost got a heart attack how about a child reader with red haired pirates it would be funny , only if you want you don’t need to do it have a nice day or night

Take off (Red haired pirates x m!child!reader)

A/N Here we go, guys can you believe this is the last of the requests from APRIL like that’s so crazy to me, I want to take you for all of the requests and for trusting me to bring them to life

Reader here is replaced by Dokucha which stands for Readerin Japanese

Dividers by @/saradika

The Red forced was the same as always, with lively chatter among the crewmates as they partied over their newest conquests, not taking their eyes off the child running along the Deck

“What has got you this happy, Dokucha?” Lucky piped in, taking a bite from his chicken and laughing merrily at the young boy

“Uncle Shanks found a plane in the loot!” He cheered, waiving around said toy around

“Why did they even have toys? The crew didn’t have any children on them,” Limejuice questioned, downing down a mug of beer

“The crew was big on woodwork; they had a couple of pieces here and there littered on the loot,” Shanks answered, joining the group with his own mug in his hand, his first mate not far behind

Dokucha grinned, ignoring their chatter as they launched the toy, beaming as it glided around and rode on the same wind that pulled the Red Force along

“Dokucha, watch where you are going!” Yassop called as the child ran behind the plane, trying to take hold of it

“Don’t w-

His words die out as the floor disappears behind him, and they quite literally run themselves out of the ship. The last thing he heard was the scream of his name as he made an impact with the water, another splash following after his

He gripped onto Beckman’s similarly soaking clothes as he pulled himself over the side of the deck

“Im sorry, Daddy,” he cried, hugging him tighter and sobbing into Beckman’s already drenched shirt as they both sat on the Deck, Hongo crouching in front of the two, checking over the boy, the rest of the crew crowding around the two much to the displeasure of the first mate, a glance to his captain was all the latter needed to quickly dismiss them, leaving only the officers littering the deck

“Everything seems in order; no water seems to have entered the lungs, and no damage from the impact; next time, make sure you pay attention to where you’re running, okay?” He asked, giving Dokucha a small smile as he ruffled his hair and took his leave

Teary eyes glance up at his father, trying to gauge his emotions

He sighed, turning them around on his lap so that they were facing him, as he wiped the tears from the boy, his own dripping hand not making much difference

“I saw the dive you did before you hit the water,” he comments, giving up in the action as he recalls the safety position he had seen them take before colliding with the water

“You told me to do it if I ever fell in the water.”

“You did well; you had good reflexes as well; now we just need to practice keeping our eyes on the path,” he said softly, rubbing his knuckles against his cheeks

“You’re not mad?”

“We’re pirates; we’re going to have our slops from time to time; everyone here has fallen to the water at least once, though not everyone was as gentle as you, ain’t that right, Punch?”

The latter lets cackles as he happily takes over the small boy as he recalls the less-than-proud moments from the crew

“You know, Monster here once fell overboard; you should have seen the little rascal. It was like watching a b….

Beck watches his son regain his previous demeanor at Punch’a stories go on, and he heads to his quarters to replace the now flimsy box of cigarettes lost to the sea

“Shanks,” he called

“Hm?”

“You are banned from giving any Toys to Dokucha.”

“W-What, come on, Beck! We can talk about it,” the captain whined, following after his vice-captain

Uncle privileges revocked 😂

Taglist:

@imaginarydreams

@amethystviolin

@h0n3y-l3m0n05

[dykedvonte]

I think it’s so ironic that the Pony Express escapes a lot if not all blame in discussion. I can’t even say I am excused from it but it’s just how hard people circle back to the characters alone without considering the environment they were made to be in.

Why would they design a ship where only two of the rooms lock? Not the bathroom? Not the sleeping quarters? We assume that all the companies in the universe are this shallow and careless to their workers but we explicitly know the Pony Express in extra vile. They are fed processed slop pack they can’t even really cook and the ration of those pack is meager at best. They hired and made people with a plethora of conflicting demeanors and beliefs work together on a mission where cohesion is important if not an outright necessity and punish them for not being happy about it. There’s no social protocols, not chain of command other than Captain’s word/choice and the only way to enforce that is with a literal firearm. They don’t allow them to celebrate freely and even took away leisure activities that would make them less stir crazy. They are only allowed a few hours of sleep despite their being no other real responsibilities or work on the ship, no matter the position or its importance. With any crew, with any level of synergy, this was a powder keg waiting for a spark.

I’m not saying characters that made mistakes didn’t make huge ones, but I think part of the horror is that at least for some (this is targeting Jimathan) those mistakes are partly made by a force of the hand. There’s a running theme of lack of choice and being forced into something and the very nature of how The Pony Express expected them to function plays a big part.

[tapwater118]

i haven’t been drawing as much as i would like to as of recent so take some headcanon stuff

the branches crew feat. quadrant slop

timeline stuff is subject to change at my whimsy

[funnyjokespunperson]

the riptide pirates doing oddly domestic things.

they make breakfast all together. none of them are all that good at it and earl screams at them for burning food but they do it with smiles, grinning and laughing while they make inedible slop.

once chip woke up to the smell of burning and yelling only to find out gillion and jay burnt pancakes meant for him, a little surprise. he ate them anyway (and regretted it immensely) and drey bullied him for weeks.

they do each other's hair.

gillion particularly loves braiding, once jay taught him how to do it and every second he can find, he weaves little braids into chip's hair alongside the beads he has, and braids all of jay's hair into one of two braids, because she'll complain about the how frizzy it gets otherwise. chip's head in gillion's lap while the two talk on and on about whatever they can think of, gillion weaving his hands through his hair with love and care. the occassional butt in from jay as she does gillion's hair, because she's content listening unless her co-captains are being idiots. queen demands chip specifically do her hair, so they can match, something he's happy to do. gryffon never lets them close to his fur, but on one specific night they manage to convince him and give him bows and everything, just because they can.

they sleep together.

literally.

on nights where things are hard for jay, when she wakes in the middle of the night screaming, she'll find gillion and chip are already at her side ready to help her fall back asleep. they make her feel safe, and it goes for the rest of the co-captains.

when ollie was on the ship, he taught them games they've never heard of or games they were all too busy growing up too fast to ever get to play.

they're a family.

a weird, unconventional family, not built by blood but by the bonds and love and trust their crew has gained over time. the riptide pirates are a family. and they love the little moments with one another more than anything.